Pity is good or bad. Why pity is a negative feeling
Instruction
Get rid of feelings pity it is necessary simply because in this way they refer to beings that are wretched or defective. Pity is quite appropriate for a street kitten with a broken leg - he is not to blame for this and simply will not survive if you do not leave him. But when you begin to feel sorry for an adult who has everything in order with his arms and legs, you deliberately make him miserable. You give him the right to use your life resources, without being any weaker, or more unfortunate, or richer than you.
Realize that your pity does not help your neighbor at all. It discourages him from the desire to make some effort himself, to work on himself and on arranging his own life. The more you feel sorry for him, the deeper he will dive into his problems and, in the end, he will also blame you for them. Since you pity him, he will soon begin to believe that he is worthy of this pity, and with pleasure will allow you to deal with solving his life problems and providing for his needs.
It is natural for a person to appreciate his work and his efforts, but he does not always adequately evaluate what others are doing. Do not expect gratitude from the person you are helping from feelings pity, it just won't. If you are really eager to help, just shake him up, even scold him, awaken his ambitions and make it clear that no one is going to mess with him. You can only help someone who is doing something, and not someone who just goes with the flow.
Understand that your pity has a detrimental effect on a person and his soul. Replace this feeling and show your love, care and attention. Exactly these feelings will become a real manifestation of mercy, help him cope with misfortune, arrange his life.
When a person knows that you are not indifferent to him and his fate, but you believe in his fortitude and will, he will be glad and proud to prove to you that your faith has been justified. Only in this case you will really help and even save a person, only then he will be sincerely grateful to you.
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The success of friends and loved ones can be a serious test of relationship strength. To perceive other people's victories with joy is not given to everyone. This is due to varying degrees - feelings, corroding from the inside and preventing you from enjoying life.
Instruction
Start by realizing that you are really jealous of a certain person. This insidious feeling can "disguise" itself as an inexplicable dislike or unwillingness to intersect with a more successful acquaintance. In no case do not extinguish it and do not try to lie to yourself that you actually treat the person well and rejoice in his success. Unleash your feelings m for a while, and then try to analyze them. Think about the price a person pays for the possession of these benefits? What are the reasons that you cannot have similar values. Perhaps if you understand that a neighbor “pays” for a new car with sleepless nights and overload at work, then you will look at the situation more calmly and objectively.
If the feeling envy overwhelms you so much that common sense out of the question, try to switch. It is unlikely that in such emotional moments you should work on yourself and get rid of the envy. Get distracted by something interesting, start watching an exciting movie, go to an exhibition, or just meditate. Your goal is to make previous thoughts irrelevant. Try to calm down and keep a positive attitude.
Thus, by pity we alleviate our difficulties. They took pity on themselves, backed up with support, and strength appeared to move forward.
And I used to do the same. I didn't ask myself questions: "When I make my life? When I change?" But she often asked: “When This will it end? When He change? How many This can it still go on?"
It seems that if you blame yourself, it is akin to beating yourself with sticks. It's the same as to stop defending yourself from evil people and a cruel world! And then it will be even worse, everyone will think: “Ah, well, it’s his own fault.” And they will continue to do the same unfair thing to you. Therefore, it is imperative that everyone point out their mistakes and prove that you are right! So we create a protective shell. And we are confident that this is the only way to make the world fairer and kinder towards ourselves. Well, how else?
The truth of life is that with pity we drive ourselves into a vicious circle. The world will not change exactly until we take responsibility for everything that happens. And to take responsibility automatically means to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
A person who builds his life himself, who achieves success, argues something like this: “Are you feeling bad? And what have you personally done to make it good? And does the work on the bugs.
And indeed, how everything changes when we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, “let” others “offend” us. At the same moment, others begin to show more humanity and understanding. This is another paradox, of which the whole life consists. When we stop defending ourselves, we give the people around us the opportunity to think about their own actions. People feel it and stop "attacking".
We attract like-minded people and circumstances. And just changing your inner world, open the door to happiness and harmony. Pity is the lot of weak, weak-willed people. This is a spoke in the wheel of our improvements and changes for the better. While we continue to feel sorry for ourselves, we roll down a sheer cliff.
In order to improve your life, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself! You need to look at yourself critically and understand what imperfections prevent you from being a happy, harmonious person! And start correcting these imperfections. There is no other way.
But really, open your eyes to their imperfections are very scary. Especially when you do it for the first time. Because often you don’t love yourself, you don’t accept, you are afraid (of yourself). And with pity we kind of substitute the absence of one for another. However, in order to increase inner acceptance, love, and other healthy feelings, it is necessary to start ... by stopping self-pity.
So is self-pity good or bad? Each to decide for himself.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Self-pity only hurts me. I began to talk like a successful person and responsible for my life. And this approach to life allows me to move forward, change, improve.
Have you made your choice?
Most often, women tend to unnecessarily feel sorry for others, who are often brought up accordingly, although men also have this shortcoming. “Have pity on your grandmother, she is tired and cannot play with you”, “Mom never sat down at work, don’t you feel sorry for her?” - such phrases form the impression that it is good and right to feel sorry for loved ones. However, if desired, reasons for pity can be found every day. Therefore, it is important to be able to stop in time.
What hurts pity
Although you have the best of intentions, pity can hurt your loved ones. It does not encourage you to work on yourself and change anything in your life. A person who is pitied may suffer for years at an unloved job and worry that he is not able to do anything around the house. If he regularly receives support, he will be treated like a patient, trying only to please him, relieve him of all household chores, so as not to aggravate the situation, it is unlikely that anything will change. It will be worse for both the one who is pitied and the object of pity.
Is it worth it to regret
You feel sorry for a friend who suffers with a capricious wife, for a mother who, with the advent of retirement age left her career and moved to the country, to a school friend who has no children. However, it is possible that these people, having learned about your reaction, will be surprised and even offended. Talk to them and pity may disappear after their honest answers. A friend may well be happy, indulging the whims of his wife and feeling at the same time a strong male earner. Mom finds rose breeding much more relaxing than reporting. A friend is happy in her loneliness and devotes all her time to self-realization. These people do not need your pity, as they themselves are satisfied with everything.
More than pity
Think about whether your loved ones deserve only pity, or perhaps they are able to evoke other emotions in you? Remember their accomplishments Lately, note the personal qualities that they possess. They probably deserve love, pride, admiration. Remind yourself periodically that these are independent and strong people, and then the desire to hug you and cry together over their fate will visit you less and less.
Help instead of pity
Instead of feeling sorry for your loved one, try to help him. If the person is voicing their problem, sit down and come up with a solution together. The husband is not satisfied with the job - open a website with vacancies, put together a resume and send it to a potential employer. The son had a fight with his peers - wash his abrasions and write him down in the karate section. A friend complains about the lack of money - offer her to earn extra money in your office.
The interaction of people and the versatility of emotions to each other determines the brightness and richness of the life of each person. You can love, hate, sympathize. But why shouldn't people feel sorry for them? After all, some are not easy to distinguish sympathy from pity.
And there are those who simply can not stand when they show pity. This means that the person is weak and unable to cope with problems. And for others, it is a way to control others. It's good to know why you shouldn't feel sorry for people.
Why can't you pity people?
When a person shared his problems with an interlocutor, then in this dialogue it is worth clearly understanding the role of each opponent. Hearing that your friend or loved one is sick, material difficulties, problems at work and in the family, and many other reasons that can cause pity.
And the second participant in the conversation begins to feel sorry for the “suffering”. Thus, he is involved in this negativity, becomes a direct participant in it. And he just lives someone else's life, where there are continuous problems and negative energy.
It is not necessary to pity to be drawn into the problems of another. It will only exacerbate an already difficult situation. Pity humiliates a person. At a difficult moment, advice is needed that will really help. And empty words, which often do not carry sincerity, will only make things worse.
However, there are also individuals for whom pity is a way of existence. When the understanding comes that the interlocutor is easily suggestible and emotionally dependent, then you can put pressure on him with pity and get what you want. And here already the interlocutor of the compassionate one will simply be fooled.
It is not difficult. But you need to cultivate the right reaction in yourself, in your children. It is not easy to teach a person to perceive disabled people as ordinary people, and this is laid down in childhood. Not a compassionate look, but a confident smile will be an incentive for them, another bright ray.
Sometimes even compassionate tears appear in a person, seeing or hearing the problems of another. But is it required? It is necessary from childhood to be able to communicate with different people. We must learn to find sympathy for others in ourselves, be able to be complicit and never regret someone who definitely does not need it.
Society is so arranged that only success and constant victories attract others. But when a dark streak sets in, pity suddenly appears.
She only reinforces negative effect, carries in itself the humiliation and destruction of man. And for those who use pity as a management tool, the result will not be true, reflecting reality, but only based on the base emotions of their neighbor. So we figured out why you can not feel sorry for people.
