Psychological assistance to relatives of drug addicts and alcoholics. Al-Amin: About the Foundation

Alcoholism is a progressive and incurable disease. An alcoholic can turn not only his own existence into hell, but also the life of his loved ones. You need to build your line of behavior in such a way as to distance yourself from the drinker as much as possible. At the same time, you need to know that with a complete cessation of alcohol consumption, long-term remission, even lifelong, is possible.

The influence of alcohol

An alcoholic gradually but steadily loses the skills of adequate existence in society. The progression of the disease can lead to an almost complete loss of personal qualities and degradation. As a result, the drunkard is ready to do anything for the sake of another bottle. However, alcoholics often do not consider themselves as such. The phrase “I’ll quit as soon as I want” is used.

Consequences of constant drinking:

1. Blurring the boundaries of behavior and moral standards. In a state of intoxication, things that are considered unacceptable in a sober state seem normal. Most criminal offenses are committed by drunk people. For them, rudeness, domestic violence, theft, and promiscuity become commonplace.
2. Intellectual and creative potential decreases. It becomes difficult to assimilate and adequately perceive new information, and memory deteriorates.
3. Character changes for the worse. The will, the sense of self-discipline, and the ability to overcome difficulties atrophy.
4. Communication skills with others are lost. A person begins to feel comfortable only when drunk and in the same company.
5. Extreme selfishness and infantilism develop. There is a concept called “tunnel thinking.” The drinker sees the world around him through the prism of his own perception. He is not able to evaluate the opinions of other people, and it does not interest him. This attitude is typical of young children.

Important! Complete personal degradation and the state of a “vegetable” are observed with the onset of the third degree of alcoholism. Few drink to such an extent, because they die earlier from concomitant diseases or as a result of violence or an accident.

If you stop the abuse early stages, restoration of personal qualities is possible. On average, narcologists estimate the time to be about 3 years, provided there is absolute sobriety.

Difficulties of life

In psychology, the concept of “codependency” is used. This means that family members of an alcoholic begin to justify his behavior, to believe that his drinking depends on some external factors - problems at work, rising prices, misunderstanding of others, unsettled life, the fact that his talents are (supposedly) underestimated, etc. .P.

The codependent ceases to value his interests, his personality, he turns into a psychological and material “servant” of the alcoholic. Women suffer from this more often, since they are usually prone to self-sacrifice and value personal comfort less than men.

Codependency can take on the most various forms. Alcoholics are excellent manipulators; they intuitively feel which pain points of a codependent are most profitable to put pressure on.

However, an alcoholic can be dangerous. When intoxicated, he becomes aggressive, often does not even remember what he said or did. He causes scandals, beats others, and in extreme cases can cause serious physical injury and even death.

The financial life of a family can deteriorate sharply, since the lion's share of money is spent on alcohol. At the same time, the drinker does not hesitate to steal money from relatives. He can take out loans, especially short-term ones with huge interest rates, where only a passport is required, pawn valuables in a pawnshop, take things out and drink them away.

Important! Especially in such unhealthy relationships, the child’s psyche suffers. There is a term “ACAs (adult children of alcoholics)”. Being in a destructive family, a child, like a sponge, absorbs all the nuances of adult behavior. Growing up, he will unconsciously apply the same model.

How to behave

A frank letter from a reader! Pulled the family out of the hole! I was on the edge. My husband started drinking almost immediately after our wedding. First, a little at a time, go to a bar after work, go to the garage with a neighbor. I came to my senses when he began to return every day very drunk, he was rude, and drank away his salary. It really got scary when I pushed him for the first time. Me, then my daughter. The next morning he apologized. And so on in a circle: lack of money, debts, swearing, tears and... beatings. And in the morning we apologize. We tried everything, we even coded it. Not to mention conspiracies (we have a grandmother who seemed to pull everyone out, but not my husband). After coding I didn’t drink for six months, everything seemed to get better, we began to live like a normal family. And one day - again, he was late at work (as he said) and dragged himself in the evening on his eyebrows. I still remember my tears that evening. I realized that there was no hope. And after about two or two and a half months, I came across an alcoholic on the Internet. At that moment, I had completely given up, my daughter left us altogether and began to live with a friend. I read about the drug, reviews and descriptions. And, not really hoping, I bought it - there was nothing to lose at all. And what do you think?!! I started adding drops to my husband’s tea in the morning, but he didn’t notice. Three days later I came home on time. Sober!!! A week later I began to look more decent and my health improved. Well, then I admitted to him that I was slipping the drops. When I was sober, I reacted adequately. As a result, I took a course of alcotoxic medication, and for six months now I have had no problem with alcohol, I was promoted at work, and my daughter returned home. I'm afraid to jinx it, but life has become new! Every evening I mentally thank the day when I learned about this miracle remedy! I recommend to everyone! Will save families and even lives! Read about the cure for alcoholism.

Behavior rules:

1. Don't "serve" his drinking sessions. Don’t give money, don’t feed him, don’t cover up for your boss, don’t lie about being sick, don’t pay off his debts, don’t run around looking for him. Let him feel all the “delights” of a drunken existence. No need to push him into the shower or wash his clothes and bedding. If he falls asleep in the mud, let him wake up there.
2. If a person is drunk, do not start scandals, do not sort things out. This is not only useless, but can also be dangerous.
3. Don't try to control drinking. If a person decides to get drunk, he will find an opportunity.
4. Do not decide for the drinker what to do, where to work and what to live on.
5. Do not try to hide the scale of the problem from others out of false shame.
6. Do not try to resort to threats or create a “negative motive”. For example, threaten with denial of intimacy or refusal to cook delicious food. What is valuable to an ordinary person may be indifferent to a drunkard. In addition, he can declare you an “evil policeman” and himself a sufferer, and have a luxurious alibi for the further “continuation of the banquet.”
7. Sometimes codependents believe that if you change something, for example, buy a car, an apartment, or give birth to a child, the person will certainly change. This is stupid when it comes to material wealth and extremely cruel to children.
8. When you come out of a binge, you need to provide medical care only if the patient himself asks for it, or you see that the condition is critical.
9. During the period when a person is sober, do not scold him. In this situation, the codependent puts the alcoholic in the position small child, which means it prevents you from “growing up” and being responsible for your actions. You need to talk calmly and present specific complaints.

Important! If, despite all efforts, a person is not going to change his life, he just has to accept it. It is necessary to limit interaction as much as possible (divorce, separate, etc.). The main thing is to protect children as much as possible.

The most important thing that codependents must understand is that only the patient himself can solve the problem of alcoholism. The help of relatives consists of supporting an alcoholic, for example, helping to find a narcologist, a psychologist, etc. All conversations and joint decisions should be made only when the person is sober.

It is advisable not to drink alcohol yourself, so as not to provoke the recovering person. We must try not to leave a person alone. It is important to celebrate even small positive moments in sobriety and offer interesting activities and events.

There are AlAnon groups in all major cities. These are organizations where relatives and friends of alcoholics support each other and share their experiences. They often give lectures and conduct seminars there.

Participation in meetings is free and voluntary. If it is not possible to participate in person, you can communicate via video conference. Class schedules can be found on the websites of such organizations.

Communication through online forums is very effective. Forums such as Notdrink, Alkonar, etc. are widely known. There you can create your own topic and ask questions. You can also get a short free consultation with a professional narcologist there. If you have the means, of course, you can contact paid specialists.

conclusions

Living next to a relative who drinks is difficult. Often people simply waste their lives in psychological “slavery.” Helping an alcoholic is difficult, but possible. In this case, the main condition is his sincere desire. Then relatives have the opportunity to conduct a constructive dialogue and take joint measures leading to sobriety.

For successful treatment, it is necessary that the patient is properly motivated - this is one of the most important conditions, without which effective treatment is almost impossible. And most often, drug addicts do not express any particular desire to undergo professional rehabilitation. In this case, what should relatives and friends who want to help a drug addicted person do? Thanks to the advice developed by our specialists, you will be able to control the situation and be able to convince your loved one to undergo rehabilitation.

Prepare carefully for the conversation

You should not start a conversation with a drug addict without a clear understanding of the matter. For the most productive conversation, you should learn:

What kind of drugs does the addict use?

Methods for treating this particular addiction.

This knowledge will help construct your conversation constructively. Be sure to tell us exactly how the rehabilitation will take place. It is important to pay special attention to the fact that the drug addict is able to cope with his illness, and you will support him in this.

Start a conversation at the right moment

The greatest benefit from talking to an addict can be achieved soon after problems with drug use begin to appear. This moment is most suitable for this kind of conversation - the drug addict is able to hear you at this time, and you will have a chance to show and prove that the situation is becoming not just unpleasant, but also truly dangerous.

Be calm during the conversation

Emotions and their active expression during a motivational conversation with a drug addict can prevent you from conveying the necessary information. Therefore, approach the conversation as calmly as possible, try to distract yourself from emotions. All your arguments and arguments must be extremely clear and as rational as possible; their emotional presentation may be too unconvincing.

Your main task is to show that you are truly concerned about the condition and health of your loved one. Convince the addict that you want to help him. Give examples of how the behavior of a drug addict negatively affects not only his life, but also the lives of his loved ones.

Tell us about the consequences

You must make it clear to the drug addict that refusing treatment will result in irreversible consequences that will be extremely unpleasant for him. It is necessary to name specific consequences. They can be different depending on the age of the addict:

Termination of financial support;

Leaving home;

Prohibition on communication with friends and close circle and more.

But you should remember that you must be ready to fulfill any of the mentioned consequences. Otherwise, they will lead to the opposite effect.

Act quickly

If a drug addict has given his consent to undergo rehabilitation, do not delay visiting a doctor, but call immediately and make an appointment. In most cases, consent to treatment is temporary, so it is important to start treatment in time, where psychologists will support the desire to say goodbye to a dangerous habit.

Be attentive to your loved one, support him, but be careful - people addicted to drugs know how to cleverly manipulate their relatives. If you feel that you cannot cope with difficulties on your own, you can contact us - we will help you develop the right tactics when communicating with your loved one.

Remember that the sooner rehabilitation begins, the sooner your close person get rid of a terrible addiction. Don't wait - call us right now!

There is a moral problem. And it’s stupid to keep silent about it. Should we help relatives financially if they themselves DO NOT WANT to help themselves AT ALL, but are accustomed to sucking money and energy from their parents, children, brothers, sisters.

This could be a mother who raised her son alone and now demands that he buy her a ticket to Paris. My son just graduated from college and has not yet started earning a decent living. He lives separately and is planning to start a family. But the mother insists that now her son must fulfill all her whims.

This could be a sister with a failed personal life and destiny, who requires constant help from her wealthy brother. And also blackmailing with suicide, she begs a rich relative, in her opinion, for his share of money and benefits.

How to help relatives?

Everyone has their own truth. There are objective standards of care. In order to live in harmony with our conscience, we voluntarily accept the duty of helping relatives in need.

How to treat blackmail with suicide? There is an opinion that a person who constantly scares his family with suicide will never commit suicide. This is confirmed by the facts of life, but there are exceptions. Such statements from people suffering from alcoholism should be taken especially seriously. Adolescents in puberty and older people have the highest risk of suicide in age groups. A lonely, sick, useless old man, being in a depressed state, will most likely die without regret. Your conscience must be clear. After all, you did everything you could.

We found out whether to help relatives.

Now specifically, how to help relatives, how to provide material assistance and moral support. If a person does not want and does not know how to manage the amounts of assistance, it is worth setting a specific date on which you will give an amount feasible for you. This help should not harm you personally. It is better to buy clothes and food than to give money. There is less temptation to spend on something forbidden.

Now about moral support. Most often, blackmailers are excellent manipulators. They are always unhappy, dissatisfied with you, the weather, the government. And life is not sweet for them because of this. Eternally whining relatives are not a gift, but relatives - they never cease to be yours. It is unlikely that you will be able to reason with a beggar. Talk to someone like that energy vampire- dearer to yourself. What - avoid communication?

There is a proven method. In order to live in harmony with your conscience, and at the same time, to save yourself, it is better not to refuse conversations with the manipulator, but not to connect to his emotions. Watch a movie, play solitaire, play on the computer. Periodically assent, shake your head. You should never let other people's problems inside you.

You need to take care of yourself and your family. Never, even in the depths of your soul, should you expect gratitude for help from relatives. The most distinguishing feature manipulator - ingratitude. What should we be grateful for? If everyone owes him?

This is a difficult question: whether to help relatives - parasites, beggars, but the matter is even more difficult.

The origins of this problem, as well as all moral ones, lie in a lack of love in childhood. In the inability to love, in not being loved, in being spoiled.

Helping parents and relatives of drug addicts is an important part of drug rehabilitation; it is an integral part of the recovery process. Parents and relatives of addicted people are codependent with them and need help no less than their children. After all, they have been living next to a drug addict for a long time and are in an atmosphere of constant negativity associated with drug use.

Consulting assistance

In the practice of the Al-Amin Foundation, there is a wide range of activities to help relatives of addicts. These include free consulting assistance, during which the intra-family situation, the nature of relationships between family members and the mental state of relatives are studied, and referral of codependents to self-help groups and seminars. An important aspect of these classes is to teach codependents not to feel “guilt” in front of a relative who is an alcoholic/drug addict, whom they supposedly “overlooked” by not paying attention to the use of intoxicating substances in time. This will get rid of manipulation by drug and alcohol addicts, who often resort to this “technique”, playing on the feelings of their loved ones.

The Al-Amin Foundation directs and conducts seminars for codependents with the participation of highly professional psychologists, narcologists, and chemical dependency consultants. Their topics are the most relevant - what addiction is and how it is formed, what are the modern and most effective methods of getting rid of the disease, how to behave towards addicts. Formed individual plan addiction treatment. Much attention is paid to the topic of creating a motivational crisis.

Motivational crisis

In some cases, in order to force a drug addict to undergo treatment, they can simply close the doors of their own home. The goal of a crisis is to create the most uncomfortable conditions for a person until he agrees to treatment and rehabilitation.

A motivational crisis is a path that is implemented by the relatives of a drug addict. In order to understand what to do and how, it is necessary to consult with specialists - practitioners in this field. Modern drug addiction often forms and develops quickly and requires immediate intervention. In such a situation, the family on its own cannot quickly resolve the issue of a person’s motivation and a more urgent and radical approach is required. A sudden crisis situation is formed for a drug addict, aimed at placing him in treatment or rehabilitation, sometimes even by “deception” and exaggerating the real severity of the situation, although the term “exaggeration” in this case is very conditional. Drug addiction and alcoholism are serious diseases that can lead to death if left untreated.

Intervention

It is important for codependents to understand what they can do and what needs to be entrusted to a specialist. One of modern techniques intervention. There is nothing “terrible” about it. This is emergency and effective assistance aimed at convincing the patient to seek treatment for addiction. Only specialists can use this technique competently and with benefit for the patient, skillfully showing firmness and perseverance, knowledge of the psychology of addicts in convincing the patient, motivating him for treatment and further rehabilitation. The main goal of the intervention is to “open the eyes” of a drug addict or alcoholic to the severity of his real condition and inevitable death in the absence of treatment. At the same time, the patient is motivated for treatment and rehabilitation. Relatives will not be able to apply such techniques on their own.

Selection of a clinic

Codependents are taught how to choose the best option for a drug treatment clinic so that the treatment is professional and anonymous, and does not cause moral and material damage to the addict and his family, studies, career and professional activity. This takes into account age characteristics and religious affiliation, adherence to certain ethical and spiritual standards, optimal territorial location of the clinic. Complete confidentiality is maintained.

The Al-Amin Foundation provides assistance in selecting highly professional medical specialists to conduct a detoxification course at home, if this is most preferable in this particular situation.

Specialists of the prevention department of the Al-Amin Foundation are ready to take on the responsibilities of accompanying addicts to the selected medical institution and clinic.

Rehabilitation and selection of a rehabilitation center

After completing a treatment course - if necessary, and experience shows that this is necessary in 90% of cases - the fund's specialists select an individual rehabilitation course, taking into account all the characteristics of a particular addict. This course is developed by Al-Amin Foundation specialists individually for each person. It is known that in order to consolidate the result and obtain stable remission, it is necessary to undergo rehabilitation in a specialized center and it is better to do this away from home, the “usual” places of sale and distribution of alcohol and drugs. For example, a resident of Moscow or Makhachkala may be recommended to undergo a rehabilitation course in Crimea or Kazan, where there are no “familiar” drug dealers or alcohol distribution points, there are no so-called “friends” who encourage the use of intoxicating substances. The most optimal climatic conditions are taken into account.

The rehabilitation centers of the Al-Amin Foundation are equipped with everything necessary to complete a rehabilitation course in comfortable conditions. The staff of the centers are professionally trained and have extensive experience in the field of rehabilitation and resocialization of people addicted to alcohol and/or drugs.

Assistance in accompanying you to a rehabilitation center

Specialists from the Al-Amin prevention department assist in accompanying the patient to the rehabilitation center. In most cases this is necessary measure, since after treatment in a clinic, the addict has not yet developed a stable “immunity” to drug or alcohol use. Unfortunately, “random” travel companions may turn out to be people who use alcohol or drugs. Without professional control on the road, purchase psychotropic substances or alcohol can also be “on the way” to a rehabilitation center, which will lead to very negative consequences. Escort is provided in railway transport, on air travel, as well as in road transport for employees of the Al-Amin Foundation.