Respectful attitude towards parents.
Good attitude towards parents
Praise be to Allah, who created man from nothing and endowed him with numerous gifts. Peace and blessings be upon the most revered of prophets, the best in words, in deeds, in maintaining family ties and in showing kindness.
Allah, Holy and Great, has commanded us to treat our parents well and show sincere concern for them.
The Almighty said:
Your Lord has commanded you not to worship anyone other than Him and to do good to your parents. If one of the parents or both reaches old age, then do not tell them: “Ugh!” - do not shout at them and address them respectfully. Bow before them the wing of humility according to your mercy and say: “Lord! Have mercy on them, because they raised me as a child." (Transferred at night: 23-24).
Ibn Kathir, in his commentary on the words of the Almighty: (don't tell them: "Ugh!") said: “This means: do not say anything bad to them, not even the word “Ugh!”, which is in the lowest degree of bad words.”
Allah, Holy and Great, educates us with the help of special prayers. He says in the Qur'an: (... and say: “Lord! Have mercy on them, because they raised me as a child”) so that the slave remembers all the hardships and fatigue that parents experience when raising their children. And then his heart is filled with love and compassion for them.
Allah Almighty reminded us in the Quran about the rights of parents, saying:
Behold, We have made a covenant with the children of Israel (Israel) that you will not worship anyone except Allah; You will do good to your parents, and also to relatives, orphans and the poor... (Cow 83).
Treating your parents kindly is the best deed, the best way to approach Allah and the greatest form of worship.
It is reported that Abdullah bin Mas'ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said: -(Once) I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “What business does Allah love most?” He said: “Prayer performed at the right time.” I asked: “And after that?” He said, “Show respect to your parents.” I asked: “And after that?” He said: "Struggle in the path of Allah".(Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim).
Being kind to parents is the reason why a person can enter Paradise, and it is one of the paths leading to it.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“Shame, shame and once again shame on the one who sees the old age of one or both of his parents and after that does not enter Paradise!”(Sahih Muslim).
Al Hasan said: “Being kind to your parents is when you obey them in everything they order you, and disobedience is abandoning them and depriving them of your care.”
O Muslim! This is a great month. He has spread out his veil for you, and his days have already come, and his goodness has drawn near to you. Think about the situation of a person who comes to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asks him to allow him to participate in jihad. After all, jihad is one of the best things. There are a lot of hardships and hardships, transfers and stops, risks to life, etc. To which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: “Are your parents alive?” This person replied: “Yes.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “So give all your strength to them!”(Sahih al-Bukhari).
The command to treat parents well is general and absolute. It includes things that the child likes and things that are unpleasant to him. These orders do not allow for discussion or debate. And this is a very important point that requires special attention, because many children forget about it. They think that showing kindness and sincerity should be in those things that they like and that do not contradict their desires. In fact, everything is just the opposite. True manifestation of kindness occurs only in those deeds that do not correspond to our desires. And if they corresponded to our desires, they would not be called goodness and sincerity.
Allah Almighty encourages us in the Quran to be good in our relationships with our parents and points to their high position.
The Almighty said: (Bow before them the wing of humility in your mercy and say: “Lord! Have mercy on them, because they raised me as a child”) (Transferred at night: 24).
O Muslim! Do not go to your parents at a slow pace, but be like a fast bird, answering their call when they need something. Then you will earn their satisfaction. Then complete this service with a prayer for them, asking Allah for mercy and forgiveness for them.
And I don’t think that after that you repaid your debt to them in full, but Allah rewards even a small deed and blesses it.
Along with this noble call of Allah, He is Holy and Great, to treat parents well, we notice in some people an erroneous weighing of matters and a lack of understanding. We see that some people put their friends above their parents. Many people abandon the best things, such as being kind to their parents, in order to do less important things.
If we look at the relationships of children with their parents, what do we see?
Many people leave their parents when they reach old age. They visit them only occasionally, only to inquire about their condition. Some leave them in nursing homes, while others allow themselves to reproach and blame them, raise their voices and scold them, as if they were arguing with their enemies. There are also those who are tactful and cultured in their relations with unbelievers, while with their parents they are rude and ill-mannered.
A considerable part of young people today respect and honor their friends more than their parents.
Also, the subordination of husbands to wives and their exaltation over parents became characteristic feature our society. This happens due to weakness of faith and spirit.
It is reported that Muadh (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded me never to disobey my parents, even if they order me to leave my family and property.”(al-Musnad by Imam Ahmad).
When Allah Almighty created man, he instilled in him a feeling of love, respect and honor for his parents. For a person to respect his father and his mother, these feelings are enough. However, the Islamic religion does not allow itself to remain silent even in those provisions, the evidence of which stems from the human mind and the world of its inner feelings. One of these provisions is a kind attitude towards parents. The precepts of Islam emphasize the importance of a person’s respectful and respectful attitude towards his parents, thereby confirming everything that his inner nature calls a person to.
Monotheism and good attitude towards parents
The importance that Islam attaches to a person’s relationship with his parents is so great that in the four suras of the Holy Quran, the injunction to respect parents is mentioned immediately after the most basic injunction of the heavenly religion - after monotheism. Doesn't this alone indicate how important it is to do good to parents?
1. “We have made a covenant with the children of Israel that you will not worship anyone but Allah and will do good to your parents.” (Sura “Cow” verse 83)
2. “Worship Allah and do not associate partners with Him and do good to your parents.” (Surah “Women” verse 36)
3. “Do not associate anyone with Him as a partner and do good to your parents.” (Surah “Cattle” verse 151)
4. “Your Lord has decreed that you should worship none but Him and do good to your parents.” (Sura “Transferred by Night” verse 23)
Honoring non-Muslim parents
How wonderful is a religion that instructs its followers not to forget about their parents and to be kind to them, even if they do not accept this religion. The verses of the Holy Quran and numerous traditions from the Messenger of Allah and the imams from his family (may Allah bless them all) call for honoring father and mother who are not Muslims. Surah Luqman says: “And if they (parents) fight with you so that you associate partners with Me, about which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. But in this world treat them kindly.” (Surah Luqman, verse 15)
It happens that parents do not share true religious beliefs with their children. It happens that such parents tell their children to do something that contradicts the precepts of the Islamic religion. It is very clear that in such cases there is no need to obey them. But despite this, children are obliged to honor their parents, not raise their voices at them, and treat them politely and with respect. In such cases, children should try to best fulfill their duty of calling for good and restraining from evil. And inshallah the parents will be guided to the right path.
Gratitude to parents
A person’s gratitude towards his parents is on a par with his gratitude to Allah Almighty for numerous benefits and mercies, as evidenced by heavenly scripture: “Thank Me and your parents.” (Surah Luqman verse 14) The blessings and mercies that the Creator bestows on us are more than we can count. From this it becomes clear how high the position of parents is if the Koran instructs believers to thank both the Creator and their parents.
From Imam Riza (peace be upon him) it is transmitted: “Truly, Allah commanded to thank Him and our parents. He who does not thank his parents does not thank Allah.” (Al-hisal)
A person should thank and honor his father and mother, but he should never show even the slightest sign of disrespect towards them. Heavenly Scripture teaches: “If one or both parents reach old age, then do not tell them: “Ugh!” – and don’t shout at them.” (Sura “Transferred by Night” verse 23)
Above the struggle in the path of Allah
The fight in the path of Allah against the enemies of Islam under the banner of a just leader is the most important program of the Islamic religion. There are two types of armed struggle in the path of Allah:
1. When all Muslims without exception are obliged to rise up to fight (jihad eini).
2. When only a part of the Muslims must rise up to fight, and if some of them do this, then there will be no obligation on others to take up arms (jihad qifai).
If the Muslims are in the second type of armed struggle with the enemy, then in some cases it will be much better for some Muslims if, instead of going to war, they stay with their parents and take care of them. And in some cases, they are required to stay with their parents.
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) says that one day one of the Muslims approached the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and his family) and said to him: “O Messenger of Allah, I am young and strong, and I am eager to take part in the battle in the path of Allah, but my mother is worried about this.” The Prophet answered him: “Go back to your mother and be close to her. I swear by Allah, who sent me with the truth, if you keep your mother company for one night, it is better than a year of armed struggle in the path of Allah.” (Jami as-saadat)
How high is the position of parents if in some cases keeping them company is higher than such an important act as fighting the enemies of religion. But we must remember that this hadith refers to those cases when armed struggle in the path of Allah is not universal, but refers to the second type of struggle, which was mentioned earlier. If jihad is declared universal, and the existence of the Islamic state is seriously threatened, then all Muslims will be obliged to provide armed resistance to the enemy. In such a situation, no excuses are acceptable, not even the disagreement of the father and mother.
Deprived of the smell of heaven
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and his family) repeatedly told Muslims: “Beware of incurring the anger and resentment of your parents. Truly, the fragrance of paradise can be felt at a distance of thousands of years. The one who has incurred the anger and resentment of his parents will not even smell it.” (Jami as-saadat) From the words of the Messenger of Allah, it becomes clear that those who cause torment and suffering to their parents will not only not be able to stay in the Gardens of Eden, but will be at a far distance from Paradise and will be deprived of the opportunity to approach it.
One of the legends says that a certain man performed tawaf around the Kaaba, seating his elderly mother on him. Seeing the Prophet, he asked him: “Have I compensated for all my mother’s worries with this (that is, with help in performing tawaf)?” The Prophet answered him: "No, you didn't even compensate for one of her moans during labor."
Indeed, if we take into account all the hardships that a mother experiences while carrying a child in the womb. If we take into account all the difficulties that befell her during childbirth, and then the sleepless nights in which she was near her child. If we do not forget about the difficult burden associated with feeding a child, raising him and many other things, then we will see that no matter how hard a person tries, he can never repay what his mother did for him. He can only honor and respect her, asking for help from Allah Almighty so that he can best take care of her and his father.
A pious man who honors his father
The second surah of the Holy Quran tells the story of the cow and the sons of Israel. One of the people was killed under unknown circumstances, and no one knew who his killer was. Allah Almighty sent down a revelation to the Prophet Musa (may peace be upon him), in which he commanded that the sons of Israel slaughter a cow, and then touch one of its parts to the killed one so that it would come to life and point to its killer. Musa conveyed to them this command of Allah, but instead of slaughtering any cow, they began to ask about its characteristics and signs, thus narrowing the circle of cows that could be slaughtered. Musa once again described its features, and the sons of Israel began to search for a cow that would fully correspond to the described signs.
They say that there was only one such cow and it belonged to a pious man who revered his father very much, giving him best signs attention. One day this man had the opportunity to make a successful deal. But in order to accomplish it, he needed to wake up his sleeping father and take the keys to the chest from him. Not wanting to disturb his sleeping father, he decided not to wake him, resulting in the deal falling through. However, Allah Almighty, seeing how much the son revered his father, arranged everything so that the sons of Israel came to this pious man and bought his cow at a high price. Thus, Allah compensated him for the failed deal.
On this occasion, the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and his family) said: “See how godliness helps those who adhere to it.”(Nur as-sakalayn)
Imam Kazim (peace be upon him) conveys the words of the Prophet about the right of a father to his son: “A son should not address his father by name (but should say “father” to him). He should not walk ahead of his father and sit down before he sits down. And he should not commit acts, the commission of which will cause people to speak badly about his father (for example, they will say: "May Allah strike the father who begat such a son."(Nur as-sakalayn)
Father or mother?
One day a Muslim asked the Prophet of Islam:
- O Messenger of Allah, towards whom do I most need to do good?
“In relation to the mother,” the Prophet answered him.
- And then? – the Muslim asked again.
“In relation to the mother,” the Prophet answered again.
- And then?
- In relation to the mother.
- And then?
– And then in relation to my father.(Wasail ash-shia)
Paradise under the feet of mothers
The most famous hadith tells about a young man who came to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and his family) in order to take part in one of the Muslim battles against the enemy. The Prophet asked him:
– Is your mother alive?
“Yes,” answered the young man.
“Then go back and take care of her.” Truly, heaven is under the feet of mothers.(Jami as-saadat)
Great Reward mothers
Once Umm Salama said to her husband, the Messenger of Allah: “Only men have all honors; do women have them?” The Prophet replied: “Of course there is. When a woman becomes pregnant, throughout her pregnancy she is like a person who fasts during the day and prays at night. She is like a warrior fighting in the path of Allah with her life and property. When a woman gives birth, the reward bestowed upon her is so great that no one can embrace her. When a woman breastfeeds a baby, for every sip of milk taken by the baby, Allah gives her a reward equal to the reward for freeing a slave from the descendants of Ismail. And when the baby grows up and the period of breastfeeding ends, the noble angel sits next to her and says: “Resume doing good deeds from the very beginning, for Allah has forgiven all your sins (and your book of deeds is clean from sins).” (Wasail ash-shia)
A period of hardship for the mother
Holy Quran in its verses calls for reflection on the difficulties mothers face when they carry children in their wombs, in order through such reflection to awaken in a person an ongoing feeling of gratitude to the woman who gave him life. “We commanded a person to treat his parents well. The mother bears him with hardships in her womb and gives birth with hardships, and thirty months pass from the beginning of pregnancy to the time he is weaned from the breast.” (Sura “Sands” verse 15)
Mothers can rightfully claim that during these thirty months they show the greatest self-sacrifice towards their children. Already from the first days of pregnancy, the condition of the expectant mother begins to undergo physical and psychological changes, and from these days difficulties begin to follow difficulties. The subsequent growth of the child in the womb continues to add to her worries. The further he develops, the more of her strength the mother is forced to give to support his development. Sometimes the unborn child deprives the mother of quiet sleep, rest, her favorite food, and in the last stage of pregnancy, deprives her of the opportunity to sit, walk and lie comfortably. But despite all these difficulties, the mother waits for her birth with a happy smile and endless love for her unborn child.
And now the time comes for the baby to be born. These moments can undoubtedly be called the most important, the most difficult, but at the same time the happiest in a mother’s life.
But after childbirth, the difficulties do not end; in fact, they only enter a new stage. After giving birth, the mother, practically without closing her eyes, surrounds the newborn with care; she does not leave his side around the clock and is ready to satisfy his every need. However, finding out about his need is not so easy, because he does not yet know how to speak. If something hurts him, he cannot show what it is. If he experiences discomfort due to hunger, thirst, cold or heat, he cannot explain it. Instead, he resorts to crying. And the mother in this case, showing great patience and special love, must find the reason for his inconvenience. And in no case should we forget about keeping the child clean, feeding him, and protecting him from all kinds of diseases. And all this is primarily done by his mother.
Mother's Prayer
Once, during secret conversations with his Lord, Prophet Musa (may peace be upon him) asked to show him a person who deserves to be called his companion in the Gardens of Eden and who has a high degree before Allah. The Almighty replied that your companion in paradise will be a young man living in such and such an area. Prophet Musa wished to see this young man and headed to the area where he lived. Arriving in the city, he found the young man he needed, who worked in a shop as an ordinary salesman. All day long, Musa watched the young man from afar, hoping to see him perform those great deeds that would lead him into the Gardens of Eden and make him a companion of one of God's messengers. But no matter how much Musa looked, he did not see anything surprising. The young man was selling goods, talking with customers, joking with friends.
The whole day passed like this. Evening came and the young man headed home. Musa approached him, greeted him, and, without telling him who he really was, asked to spend the night, in the hope that the young man would perform his great deeds at home. The young man agreed, and they entered the house together. Entering the house, the first thing the young man did was greet the elderly woman, ask her about her affairs and needs, then prepare dinner, which he carefully fed to the woman whose legs were paralyzed. Patiently, spoon by spoon he helped old woman eat dinner, then, having cleared away the dishes, he changed her clothes and helped her with all her needs. After that, he changed the bed and put the woman to bed. Musa watched the young man. The young man fed Musa, prepared a place for him to rest, performed the usual prayer, like all the other believers, and went to bed. That's all. Contrary to his expectations, Musa did not see any supernatural acts, no long prayer at midnight, no intimate conversation with the Lord before dawn, nothing else.
The morning has come next day. Before leaving the house, Musa saw that the young man again fed the old paralyzed woman, affectionately and attentively helped her do all the tasks, and only after that he went to the shop. Already on the street, before saying goodbye, Musa asked the young man:
-Who was this? elderly woman, who, after you fed her and carefully helped her in her affairs, raised her eyes to the sky and uttered some words? And what words did she say?
“This woman is my mother,” answered the young man. “Whenever I feed her, she raises her eyes to the sky and whispers a prayer to Allah that He will grant her son a huge reward and make him a companion of the Prophet Musa in the Gardens of Eden.”
When Musa heard these words, he perked up and tears rolled down from his eyes. Then he told the young man the good news of heaven, told him who he really was, and then told him the whole story from the very beginning.
Let us conclude this chapter with the words of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and his family) who said: “Be kind and courteous to your parents, and your children will reciprocate.”(Bihar al-anwar)
IN Lately In Dagestan society, problems began to spread that previously seemed incredible to us and unusual for our mentality: neglect of parents, disrespect and inattention, reaching the point that parents are forced to live outside the family, deprived of the support of their children. We present to the attention of our readers a Friday sermon, adapted for publication, read by Nimatula Radjabov, imam of the city juma mosque “Tangyim” in Makhachkala on the street. gene. Omarov (formerly Hungarian Fighters Street), on the topic of the proper attitude of children towards their parents.
“O you who believe! Fear Allah with true fear of God and do not die except as Muslims!” (Sura “The Family of Imran”, verse 102).
“Oh people! Fear your Lord, who created you from one man, created his mate from him, and scattered a multitude of men and women descended from both of them. Fear Allah, in whose name you ask each other, and be afraid of (breaking) family ties. Verily, Allah is watching over you!” (Sura “Women”, verse 1).
“O you who believe! Fear Allah and speak good words! He will set your affairs right for you and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has achieved great success!” (Sura “Allies”, verses 70-71).
And then:
Truly, the best words are the Book of Allah, and the best path is the path of Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. The worst deeds are innovations, and every innovation is a heresy, and every heresy is an error, and every error is in the Fire.
God! Open my chest for me! Make my mission easier! Untie the knot on my tongue so that they can understand my speech.
Allah Almighty in his Holy Book, the Noble Qur'an, said: “Your Lord has commanded you not to worship anyone but Him and to do good to your parents. If one or both parents reach old age, then do not say to them: “Ugh!” - do not shout at them and address them respectfully. Bow before them the wing of humility according to your mercy and say: “Lord! Have mercy on them, because they raised me as a child” (Sura “Transfer by Night”, verses 23-24). Allah Almighty mentioned His right and the right of parents in one verse and ordered us to thank Him and our parents also in one verse - and this should already be enough for a believer, even if there were no other instructions.
Allah Almighty created us and the entire Universe, and our parents raised and educated us. Allah Almighty said: “Worship Allah and do not associate partners with Him. Do good to your parents...” (Sura “Women”, verse 36). “O my son, do not associate partners with Allah - verily, polytheism is a great injustice,” - these are the words of the wise Luqman addressed to his son in the Koran.
Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, said: “Three verses mention things that are inseparable and cannot be accepted without one another: “Obey Allah, obey the Messenger” (Surah Meal, verse 92), that is, who obeys Allah, but does not obey His Messenger, therefore his obedience will not be accepted; “Perform prayer, pay zakat...” (Sura “Light”, verse 56), whoever performs prayer, but does not pay zakat, will not be accepted from him; “Give thanks to Me and to your parents” (Surah Luqman, verse 14), whoever thanks Allah, but does not thank his parents, will not have his gratitude accepted.” From this it follows that Allah's pleasure lies in the pleasure of parents, and in the displeasure of parents lies Allah's displeasure.
Allah Almighty reminded us in the Qur'an of the rights of parents established even before the prophecy of Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, saying: “Here We have made a covenant with the children of Israel (Israel) that you will not worship anyone except Allah; You will do good to your parents...” (Sura “The Cow”, verse 83).
Treating your parents kindly is the best deed, the best way to approach Allah and the greatest form of worship.
It is reported that 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “(Once) I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “What business does Allah love most?” He said: “Timely prayer.” I asked: “And after that?” He said, “Show respect to your parents.” I asked: “And after that?” He said: “Struggle in the path of Allah” (given in the collection of reliable hadiths “Sahih” al-Bukhari, “Sahih” Muslim), - that is, the struggle in the path of Allah was mentioned after respect for parents.
'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As, may Allah be pleased with both of them, reports: “One day a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said to him: “I swear to you that I will emigrate.” and I will participate in the struggle in the path of Allah, for I wish to receive a reward from Allah Almighty.” He asked: “Are any of your parents alive?” He said: “Yes, they are both alive.” He asked: “And do you want to receive a reward from Allah Almighty?” He answered: “Yes.” Then he said: “Then go back to your parents and treat them kindly!” (Al-Bukhari, Muslim).
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three things Allah will not look at on the Day of Judgment: the one who disrespects his parents, the drunkard and on the one who, while giving, reproaches. And three will not enter Paradise: the one who disrespects his parents, the dayus (a man who does not care about who comes to his wife) and the woman who is like men" (collection of hadiths of an-Nasai).
One day Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them both, saw someone circumambulating the Kaaba, carrying his mother on his back. Approaching Ibn 'Umar, this man asked him: “Do you think I compensated her for what she did for me?” He replied: “No, you did not compensate her for even one of the birth pangs. However, what you did is commendable. And Allah can generously reward even a small deed.”
Respect for parents and good attitude towards them help a believer enter Paradise
’Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I entered Paradise and heard someone reciting the Quran. I asked: “Who is this?” They told me: “Harithah ibn al-Nu’man.” This is what respect for parents does! This is what respect for parents does!” - and this man was known for respecting his mother more than any other person (collection of hadiths by al-Bayhaqi).
All the prophets, and their companions, and our righteous predecessors treated their parents with great respect. Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, said: “I do not know of a deed that brings a person closer to Allah as much as honoring his mother.” Hassan al-Basri, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “A good attitude towards your parents is when you obey them in everything that they order you, and disobedience is abandoning them and depriving them of your care.”
O Allah, forgive us and our parents’ sins, reward them with the best reward for raising us
Truly, respectful attitude towards parents is a sign of the perfection of a person’s faith; a person cannot achieve perfection of faith if he treats his parents with disrespect. That is, a Muslim, a believer, the Koran and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, are taught to treat his parents with reverence, respect, and to tell them only kind, good, soft words.
In the Koran, the Almighty, speaking about the prophets, peace be upon them, emphasizes that they treated their parents well - this is also the property of prophets and messengers, and the Almighty Allah repeatedly mentions respect and good deeds towards parents. Thus, the Almighty said about the prophet Yahya (John), peace be upon him: “He was God-fearing, respectful to his parents and was not proud and disobedient” (Sura “Maryam”, verses 13-14). That is, he was a respectful son towards his parents, he spoke only good words to them and did good things to them.
Therefore, my brothers, when your parents call you, do not go to your parents at a slow pace, but be like a fast bird, answering their call when they need something - if, of course, you want to earn the pleasure of Allah. Moreover, you should not reproach or argue with your parents. And after this, you should not think that you have thanked your parents or repaid your debt to them in full; after that, you should turn to Allah Almighty, making du’a for your parents, so that Allah Almighty will forgive them and bestow them with His mercy.
When we look at young people today, we see a different picture: many leave their parents without attention, not to mention those who send their parents to nursing homes. This is an unprecedented thing - for a person to leave his parents! And today we see many who keep their parents with them because they have a good pension. Many people leave their parents when they reach old age. They visit them only occasionally, only to inquire about their condition. There are those who allow themselves to reproach and blame them, raise their voices and scold them, as if they were arguing with their enemies. There are also those who are tactful and cultured in their relationships with other people, while with their parents they are rude and ill-mannered.
Read the continuation of the sermon in the next issue of ND.
MUFTI RD AHMAD-KHAJI ABDULAEV
Every parent sees in their child not only a joy for the eyes and the continuation of offspring, but also care for themselves in old age. However, for this it is necessary to instill a similar attitude in children. How children, when they become independent, will relate to their elderly parents directly depends on our upbringing.
Therefore, I would like to touch upon the topic of children’s relationship to their parents – within the framework of the question “How should children honor their parents?”
First of all, parents must make an effort, to instill in children fear of God and obedience to the Almighty, and then love, respect and obedience towards themselves. After all, they will be responsible on the Day of Judgment for their children for not raising them properly, as Islam prescribes.
Honoring parents is one of the most important issues that the Almighty highlighted in the Quran after worshiping Him. The Almighty also linked the satisfaction of parents with the pleasure of Allah. Obedience to parents in everything that does not contradict Shariah is one of the duties that Allah has assigned to children.
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
In the Qur'an the Almighty says (meaning): "...Worship only Me and treat your parents well "(Surah An-Nisa, verse 36).
Allah warns us to beware of expressing our irritation towards elderly parents, since their weaknesses and shortcomings are largely due to age. The Almighty also commands to show compassion towards parents and often make dua for them: “ My Lord, have mercy on them, because they raised me when I was little ».
Not honoring parents, insulting them, oppressing them, causing them torment and insults is considered the gravest sin. This sin is mentioned in the same context along with associating a partner with Allah and killing a person. On the Day of Judgment, Allah will not bestow His mercy on the one who oppresses his parents - he will not even feel the aroma of Paradise, his good deeds will not be accepted.
He will experience the consequences of disobeying his parents in this world, and at the moment of death he will not be able to pronounce the formula. This is said in many hadiths of the Prophet (ﷺ).
However, some children, when they become independent, stop paying attention to their parents. How many mothers give themselves completely to ensuring that their children get on their feet, and then only see them in holidays. It also happens that a child who obeys his parents, tries to serve them, strives for their satisfaction, surprises us; this phenomenon has become so rare in our time. Today, parents most often follow their children and their desires.
You can often see that children command over old parents, telling them what to do, where to live and what to be content with. This is a sign approaching doomsday . At the same time, these same children are in a hurry to please their superiors, employers, etc., try to fulfill them beyond their instructions, patiently, without objection, obey them, saying that they are simply showing respect. In fact, it looks more like toadying.
How does a person who strives only for worldly things show respect? Where is the line between submission, respect and sycophancy?
The difference between submission and subservience is that submission is the fulfillment by a slave (man) of the commands of Allah Almighty or the orders of people, even if it is commanded in a desirable form. And also refusal of what is prohibited, even if this is indicated as an undesirable action.
If a person obeys and fulfills the commands of Allah Almighty, as well as the commands of someone else, and refuses everything that they have forbidden, for the sake of receiving the pleasure of Allah Almighty, this is respect. Respect is the attitude of one person towards another, recognizing the merits of his personality. Respect is one of the most important requirements of ethics.
However, if a slave (person) shows any respect to another person not for the sake of the pleasure of Allah Almighty, but only for the sake of the worldly and for his own pleasure, then this will be sycophancy. In general, pleasing people with authority and weight in society for the sake of Allah’s pleasure is sycophancy.
When it comes to obeying their parents, children often show real aggression towards them, do not take into account their desires and interests, do not rush to help them, do not tolerate teachings from them and, moreover, break off relations with them - at that time , when the Almighty obliged to obey parents and seek their pleasure. Honoring parents in Islam is one of the forms of ibadah (submission to the Almighty).
وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا
The Qur'an says: (meaning): " We commanded man [i.e. e. commanded and obliged him] to treat his parents well, because his mother carried him in her womb with difficulty before birth and gave birth to him with torment "(Surah al-Ahkaf, verse 15)
What does it mean to obey your parents? What are the responsibilities of children towards them? How should children honor their parents? What signs of respect should be shown to them?
1. Children are obliged to obey their parents and always try to please them in everything that does not contradict the commands of the Almighty. Children should always remember that “The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of parents, and the wrath of Allah is in the wrath of parents” (At-Tirmidhi, At-Tabarani).
The Prophet (ﷺ) was once asked: “ What deed does Allah love most? » – « Prayer performed on time “, was the answer. " And what is behind it? - they asked him. " Submitting to parents and trying to do good to them "(Al-Bukhari, Muslim).
2. Not simple enough good attitude to parents, you cannot do anything that would show disrespect for them. You must always behave respectfully in front of your parents. You should not laugh loudly, sit in front of them when they are standing, lie in an indecent position, or expose your body in their presence. It is necessary to stand up when they stand up or enter the room, showing them respect; knock when you come to them; you should not go ahead of them; raising your voice when near them is considered not to honor your parents.
3. You can't blame them for anything; You should not look askance at your parents; look them in the face, frowning. The hadith says: " Whoever looks at his parents angrily does not obey them "(ad-Darukutni).
Mujahid said: « A son should not restrain his father if he decides to punish him (with ta'zir blows). Anyone who looks their parents in the eye treats them with disrespect. And whoever offended his parents disobeyed them».
4. Children should not speak in a raised voice in front of their parents.. You cannot show that they are tired of them, you must accept their advice, and what the children want to tell them should be told in a soft, calm tone.
إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيماً
The Almighty said (meaning): “ ...If one of the parents or both reaches old age, do not say “uff” to them and do not shout at them, but say a noble word to them "(Surah Al-Isra, verse 23).
5. You should know that providing for parents in old age falls on the shoulders of children, so they must buy clothes, shoes, food for them; if they cannot cook or move themselves, then it is necessary to either help them or hire a person who will look after them, cook, wash their clothes, etc.
Old age is a period of life when parents most need help and kind treatment. The Almighty indicated this period of time because of man’s extreme need for someone who will care for him in old age, and also because it is known that it is difficult for a person to do various things at this age.
AbuHuraira reports that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “ Humiliation and shame for one who finds both of his parents in old age, one of them or both, and does not enter Paradise "(Muslim). That is, service and attention provided to parents in old age can become a reason for entering heaven.
6. Children should help their parents in their affairs - as much as they can and in whatever way they can. It is not fitting for a son to walk lightly next to a father who carries a heavy burden. Children should not leave all the work of putting the house in order to their mother; on the contrary, they should take care of their clothes, shoes, wash dishes, clean up after themselves, make their bed, and so on. A daughter should help her mother to the best of her ability. Adult children must look after younger brothers and sisters, take care of them. Children's good studies in school and madrasah are also considered to honor parents.
It is reported that Jahima (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: “ O Messenger of Allah ( ﷺ ), I'm going to go hiking and would like to consult with you " The Prophet (ﷺ) asked: “ Is your mother alive? " He replied: " Yes " Then he said: " Always be with her and help her, because Paradise is under her feet "(Imam Ahmad).
7. Children are obliged to preserve the honor and dignity of their parents. You can’t do something that could cause people to speak badly about your parents or accuse them of something.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “ One of the most serious sins is a person uttering vicious words against his parents. " The Companions asked: “ O Messenger of Allah, are there really people who defame their parents? " He replied: " There are; one person scolds and defames the parents of another, and that person, in turn, scolds and defames the parents of this "(al-Bukhari, Muslim).
8. If children need to go somewhere, first of all, they need to consult with their parents and go on the road after receiving their consent. If your parents call, you should respond immediately, whether you are at home, nearby, or on the road.
9. After their death, it is necessary to fulfill their will, strengthen friendship with their friends and love those they loved. An authentic hadith says: “ Of all the good deeds you can do for your parents, keeping in touch with the people they loved is considered the best."(Muslim).
10. Children should visit their parents' graves, constantly make dua for them and ask Allah for forgiveness and mercy for them, give alms for them.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “ When a person dies, all his affairs cease, with the exception of three: continuous almsgiving; knowledge that other people can use, or righteous children who will turn to Allah with prayers for him "(Muslim).
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “ Verily, man will continually rise in degrees in Paradise and will say: “Where does all this come from?” They will answer him: “This is because your son asked forgiveness for you. " (Ibn Majah).
The hadith says: " If a person who oppressed his parents, sincerely repenting of this, after their death asks Allah for mercy towards them, i.e. will often make dua for them, asking for forgiveness of their sins, then Allah will write his name among those who were obedient to their parents "(Abu Daoud).
If we look at our attitude towards our parents, we will find that we very often neglect their opinion and show disobedience towards them. May Allah have mercy on us. Such behavior is a great sin, and very often children do not even suspect that one or another of their actions is disobedience to their parents.
AbuHuraira said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allah and asked: “ Who among people deserves my wonderful care most of all? " He replied: " Your mother " He asked: “ Then who? " He replied: " Your mom again " He asked: “ And then who? " He replied: " Your mom again " He asked: “ And then who? " He replied: " Then your father " (Muslim)
Disobedience also includes the following actions:
– If a son or daughter can belittle the dignity of their parents , considering their opinion less significant, since they are smarter, richer, more educated, higher in social status etc., which made the children proud.
– If the son considers other people (wife, friends and himself) superior to his parents and tries to please them .
– If a son or daughter calls their parents by name, thereby belittling them or disrespecting them .
Speak noble things, be grateful, generous, calmly listen to your parents, show respect to them.
Gratitude towards parents is associated with gratitude to the Almighty. The Almighty says (meaning): “ Thank Me and your parents "(Surah Luqman, verse 14).
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
The Almighty commands us (meaning): “ Bow before them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: “Lord! Have mercy on them, just as they raised me as a child. "(Surah Al-Isra, verse 24).
If you have intelligence, then beware of disobeying your parents, because... the consequences of this sin are very serious. Be pious to them, because... soon they may leave this world, and then you will regret that you did not do this during their lifetime. Piety towards parents is a quality of noble and decent people; it washes away sins, improves life, leaving a good mark after a person’s death.
One day a man appeared to the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). In an effort to receive Allah's reward, he wanted to swear to him that he would migrate and fight in the path of Allah. However, the Prophet (ﷺ) did not rush and asked him: " Are any of your parents alive? "The man replied: " They are both alive ". The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: " And do you want to receive the reward of Allah I? "This man said:" Yes "Then the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) commanded him: “ So go back to your parents and treat them well! "(Al-Bukhari, Muslim).
§ 4. Respectful attitude towards parents and relatives
Honoring parents. Islam obliges Muslims to treat their parents well, look after them, and treat them with respect. sincere love and try in every possible way to gain their favor. For a Muslim, love for parents is holy and pure. He never forgets the difficulties and hardships that they endured while raising and raising him. He does not raise his voice when talking to them, does not begin to speak first in their presence, fulfills their requests with joy and without grumbling, and considers their approval and praise a great acquisition. He strives to fulfill his duty to his parents with dignity, just as they fulfilled their duties to him. When they reach old age, he willingly satisfies their desires, fulfilling the Koranic commandment: “Your Lord has commanded you not to worship anyone but Him, and to do good to your parents. If one or both parents reach old age, then do not tell them: “Ugh,” do not shout at them and address them respectfully. Bow the wing of humility before them out of your mercy and say: “Lord!” Have mercy on them, because they raised me as a child." (Surah 17 "Night Transfer", verses 23-24).
Obedience is one of the most important duties of children to their parents, and therefore Muslims are obliged to obey them in everything that is not a sin. If parents tell a person to commit a crime or bad deed, he should not do it, but even in this case, he must show due respect to them and in every possible way emphasize his humility before them: “And if they fight with you, so that you join in the I have companions about whom you have no knowledge, then do not obey them, but accompany them in this world with kindness" (Sura Luqman 31, verses 14-15).
In many verses of the Quran, obedience to parents is mentioned along with the prohibition of associating partners with Allah: “Do not associate anyone with Him as a partner, and do good to your parents.”(Surah 6 “Cattle”, verse 151). This indicates that a person's duty to his parents is his first and most important duty after worship and obedience to the Creator. Of course, this has a deep meaning, because no one provides a greater benefit to a person than parents. By the will of Allah, they gave birth to him and raised him, gave him upbringing and education, and protected him from many difficulties and illnesses. Parental care is unconditional and natural; they do not expect any reward or gratitude for their efforts, but continue to take care of their child, even if he shows ingratitude. Likewise, Allah does not cease to do good to people even when they challenge Him and deny His signs.
Healthy relationships between parents and children are the basis of social harmony. According to Islam, a person is obligated to take care of his parents for the rest of his life. Neither one's own family, nor children, nor work should distract a Muslim from fulfilling his duty to his father and mother. One of the hadiths of the Prophet says: “Let him be humiliated whose parents, or one of them, reached old age, but did not enter him into Paradise.”
The sin of disrespecting parents. In Islam, disrespect and disobedience to parents is considered a grave sin. It is reported that the Prophet Muhammad once asked his companions: “Should I inform you of the most serious sins?” They replied: “Of course, let me know!” He said: “Associating partners with Allah and disrespecting parents.” Another hadith says: “Allah is pleased when parents are pleased, and Allah is angry when parents are angry.”
By showing disrespect to parents, a person does not simply disobey Allah. He responds with ingratitude to the most selfless love and the warmest care. For him there is no sense of duty, loyalty and discipline. If in the heart there is no image of a loving mother, personifying mercy and compassion, and an image of a caring father, the embodiment of wisdom, justice and power, then such a person is deprived of sources of spiritual purity and creative power. And if he allows himself to offend the people closest to him, then what can you expect from him in relation to others?!
One of the hadiths of the Prophet says: “Allah will not accept either obligatory or voluntary actions from three: from the one who disobeys his parents, from the gossip and from the one who denies the predestination of Allah.” This means that righteous actions do not benefit a person as long as he continues to anger his parents and does not show due respect to them.
An even greater sin is committed by the one who dares to scold his parents and curses them. Prophet Muhammad said: “Allah has cursed the one who curses his father.” This means that Allah deprives such a person of His mercy, and if he does not repent of his wrongdoing, he will not be able to find happiness and peace, even if he bathes in wealth and luxury.
A person is said to insult his parents when he does something that causes others to insult them. The Prophet said: “Insulting parents is one of the greatest sins.” He was asked: “Can a person really insult his parents?” He said, “Yes, he scolds another man’s father, and the other man scolds his father. Or he scolds another person’s mother, and the other person scolds his mother.”
One form of disrespect towards parents is failure to material responsibilities in front of them and unwillingness to care for them when they most need care. It is reported that one of the Muslims told the Prophet: “I have money and children, but my father wants to destroy my money!” He said: “You and what you own belong to your father. Truly, your children are among your best acquisitions, so eat from what your children get!”
Thus, parents have rights to the property of their children and can dispose of it as they wish. A Muslim has no right to reproach his parents for taking care of them and paying attention to them. Such a reproach not only deprives a person of the reward for showing concern, but also places a heavy burden of sin on his shoulders. The hadith reports that the Prophet said: “Whoever reproaches people for mercy shown to them, disobeys his parents and is addicted to alcohol, will not enter Paradise.”
Honoring parents after death. A Muslim shows his respect to his parents in every possible way while they are alive, and continues to repay his filial or daughterly duty when they leave this world. According to Islam, you can do good to your father and mother even after their death. Children are supposed to pray for their parents, ask them for deliverance from punishment, forgiveness of sins and mercy, to continue and complete the good deeds they have begun. It is known from hadiths that on the Day of Resurrection, the believer’s reward will be increased thanks to the prayers of his righteous children.
It is reported that one of the companions asked the Prophet: “Is there any way I can show respect to my parents after they die?” He said: “Yes, in four ways: by invoking Allah for them, asking for forgiveness for them, fulfilling what they promised, showing respect to those with whom they were friends, and maintaining kinship ties with those with whom you connected only through them.”
It follows from this that if the father or mother did not manage to pay off their debts during their lifetime, then this responsibility falls on their heirs. Showing kindness to parents also means maintaining connections with their relatives and friends. The hadith says: “ Supreme manifestation Reverence consists in maintaining contact with the one whom the father loves.”
It is reported that one day Abdallah bin Umar met a friend of his father and began to show him all kinds of attentions. One of the Muslims asked him: “Wasn’t it enough to give him a couple of dirhams?” In response, Ibn Umar told him that the Prophet said: “Maintain ties with the one whom your father loved, and do not break them, otherwise Allah will extinguish your light!”
The Prophet Muhammad set an excellent example of how parents should be treated after their death. He grew up an orphan and never saw his father. His mother died when the boy was only six years old. His parents lived in an era of ignorance, being pagans and knowing nothing about the religion of Allah. However, driving past Al-Abwa, where his mother was buried, the Prophet performed a prayer in which he prayed for a long time to Allah to allow him to visit her grave.
Muslims sacredly honor the memory of their parents and ancestors. To this end, they carefully study and preserve their family tree, passing on knowledge about previous generations to their children and grandchildren. The Prophet Muhammad said: “Study your genealogy to maintain family ties, because this increases the love of relatives, wealth and life span.”
Maintaining family ties. After parents, the closest relatives have the greatest right to a Muslim's good attitude. Islam gives great importance family ties that make up natural basis social unity and solidarity. The Quran says: “Worship Allah and do not associate partners with Him. Do good to your parents, relatives, orphans, and the poor” (Sura 4 “Women”, verse 36).
Maintaining family ties is also beneficial for the person himself. He not only creates support and support for himself in the person of his family and friends, deserves their praise and approval, but also receives the generous mercy of Allah. One of the hadiths says: “The life of one who fears his Lord and maintains ties with his relatives will be extended, his wealth will increase, and his relatives will begin to love him.”
Severing family ties and failing to show respect to close relatives, on the contrary, is considered an ungodly act. It displeases others and brings the wrath of Allah upon the disobedient person. Moreover, Muslims believe that Allah deprives the benefit of not only such a person, but also those around him. The Prophet is reported to have said: “Indeed, mercy does not descend on those among whom there is a person who does not maintain ties with his relatives.” Another hadith says: “Verily, the deeds of people are presented to Allah in the evening of every Thursday before Friday night, and the deeds of those who break ties with their relatives are not accepted.”
A kind attitude towards relatives is usually expressed not only in honoring elders and providing them with material assistance. A Muslim uses every opportunity to strengthen family ties. He often visits relatives and takes an interest in their affairs, health and problems. He supports them with wise advice and kind words, encourages them to do the right thing and warns them against error, and instills confidence in them with his calm and poise. His friendly smile and sincerity evoke reciprocal love in their hearts, freeing family relationships from envy, stinginess and malice.
Islam encourages us to maintain connections with family and friends even if they do not reciprocate our feelings. This is exactly how the Prophet Muhammad treated his fellow tribesmen, who caused him trouble and persecuted his companions. He patiently bore their insults, but continued to show them hospitality and do good to them, pray for their forgiveness and guide them on the right path. The hadith reports that: The Prophet said: “The one who reciprocates good for good does not maintain family ties, but the one who maintains them is the one who reciprocates good for evil.”
